for the past few days, every single day there will be one idiot who starts cooking at around 1am in the bloody morning. A nice fucking timing because this is the time when i just go to bed. even when the doors and your eyes are closed, you see the bloody lights get turned on, the first irritant. the door is useless since its a bloody sliding door with lots of translucent squares inbetween. then you start to hear all the plates and pots cling clang cling clang. the second irritant. wtf is the door for? can’t even block sound. next your smell the smoke coming into my room along with more sound and light. the last irritant.
for the past few days i have been irritated by this 3 things over and over and over and most importantly during the time when i was just about to fall asleep. this has seriously pissed me off and stressed me out being imaginable limit for not even being able to sleep properly for the past few days. as a result i get more tired when i wake up and my bodily function is starting to feel weird now. i think my stress level sky rocketed and i feel like tearing my hair out, screaming at them and fucking giving them a punch or 2 in the face. my breathes are getting heavier and i have some problem breathing in normally sometimes. my heart is also starting to feel weaker and it hurts sometimes.
i’ve shown obvious hints of me being very very pissed but no one gets the clue. if this goes on again today. i’m going to break and there will be no mercy.
i need to vent out all the pinned up anger and stress immediately before i really explode.
its been 3 days since i started this subway diet and i’m starting to feel some bad changes. Its like i’ve become emotionally weaker. When someone else is talking to the same person as me and i don’t get a reply, it makes me feel sick. Am i not special enough? Am i not interesting? Does the other person talk better than me? Am i boring? Am i not worth the time replying to? Have i become someone who needs assurance?
This is what i’m feeling now and its not very nice. I know that it might just be that i have too much time to think about all this or it could be my brain playing tricks on me. I’ll leave it a few days and see how it goes. But i do know that now i need something more than guts and determination.
